Blogging… When You Have Nothing to Give
Hello.
Those two of you who keep reading my posts might have noticed that I haven’t been writing as frequently as I did back in February or January. The truth is, I feel uninspired. How can — or should — you write something inspiring or vulnerable when you feel blue or gray?
I always like to remember the phrase from the great Cameron Tucker: “I don’t think I would make a very inspiring disabled person.” Don’t get me wrong — I guess that since I’ve been struggling with depression, I technically have some sort of alternative ability. But honestly, sometimes it’s a struggle. I wanted this to be a place of joy. But sometimes it feels cumbersome to think about ideas, especially when your plans don’t pan out.
It’s also frustrating when some of your ideas or plans don’t pan out. I can’t spare the funds for simple things I would like to do. Honestly, I want to go to Annecy. I would also love to see Genova. It’s been a long time coming — I planned a trip there in 2023, but lucky me managed to sprain my ankle, almost completely tearing two ligaments in my left foot, and was therefore more or less housebound. I could have gone, but Italy — like the rest of Europe — has a walking culture, which I love. You shouldn’t have to drive everywhere you go. That’s not ideal when your ankle is literally hanging on by a thread.
The worst of my pity party is probably being on social media. I see women and men younger than me achieving dreams that I don’t dare to think of. It kind of hurts. It’s not that I don’t want to acknowledge their hard work — they had to do something to get where they are.
But sometimes I wonder… why not me? I guess it’s simply entitlement. Simply feeling that maybe I should get a piece of the metaphorical success cake.
Oh well.
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